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-------------------------------------------------------------- This story was printed from Anchordesk, located at http://review.zdnet.com/AnchorDesk/. --------------------------------------------------------------
| Dude, you're scaring us |
| By John Morris and Josh Taylor: Contributing Editors, AnchorDesk |
| Tuesday, May 21, 2002 |
News last week that Dell has introduced a new merchandise line designed to capitalize on the popularity of its slacker pitchman Steven got us thinking. Actually, it just made us feel a little sick to our stomachs. (Actual quote from a Dell official: "Consumers can't get enough of "Dude," so we've given them some stylish ways to express their enthusiasm.") But once we got over that, we started thinking about similarly creative marketing ploys other tech companies could use to polish their images and increase revenues.
AOL Time Warner: The company's recent announcement that it had blown $54 billion in value since completing its mega-merger a little more than a year ago raised fresh doubts about the synergies of the combined entity. You'd have to sell a whole lot of magazine subscriptions online--roughly the equivalent of the gross domestic product of the United Arab Emirates, in fact--to make up the shortfall. To soothe jittery investors, CEO-elect Dick Parsons recently announced a plan to get the company "back on track." The first step: a new public relations ad campaign titled: "Is it too late to change our minds?" Parsons also noted that the company would start sending those AOL discs only to people whose last names start with the letters A through M, saving billions this year alone. (AOL Keyword: Oops.) HP/Compaq: On the heels of completing their merger, officials of the combined HP/Compaq recently announced that, in an effort to enhance brand awareness for their desktop computer line, Compaq Center (home of the NBA's Houston Rockets) will be re-christened HP Pavilion. Oh, wait a second...that one's actually happening. OK, in that case, may we suggest that HP rename Carly's corporate plane the LaserJet? Microsoft: Hoping to turn lemons into lemonade, and at the same time shake its reputation as a humorless monopoly, the Redmond giant has unveiled a new line of T-shirts, all bearing the tagline: "Where do you want to be deposed today?" Proceeds from sales of the T-shirt will go to the Microsoft Legal Defense Fund, for the protection of those who need no protection. Feds hailed the move as a sign that both sides were ready to put the trial behind them and get back to business. But the states' attorneys general said the T-shirt doesn't go far enough and are pushing the court to force Microsoft to also sell blank T-shirts, so consumers can add their own phrases. Sony: Seeking to extend its popular brand of products based on four-letter acronyms including VAIO computers, CLIE handhelds, and WEGA televisions, Sony has unveiled a new line of clothing for the mobile, connected, and style-conscious consumer. In stores starting in June, the new line of clothes will be known by the brand, MISA, which stands for Meaningless, Impossible-to-Say Acronyms. All clothing and accessories will also include a Memory Stick slot. Sun: Following the successful introduction last week of its stripped-down Star Office 6.0 productivity suite ("successful" in the sense of "got loads of free PR"), Sun announced that it will challenge Microsoft on a more vulnerable front: gaming. StarBox will be a lead- and paper-based gaming device (LPGD) that will allow users to play old favorites like tic-tac-toe and hangman. Sun touts the fact that, unlike the competition, the StarBox will be completely open source, so it should even support legacy games like that one where you try to connect the dots to make boxes. Come on, take your best corporate potshot. Share your brilliance and TalkBack to us.